/*amazon_ad_exclude = "christian"*/ The Skin I Am In: Unable to Forgive and Forget

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Unable to Forgive and Forget

I have learned that I can't count on him in times when a husband is most needed. In the crucial events he should have been there for me, he wasn't. Because this theme has been recurring, I am unable to forgive and forget. The real turning point in our relationship, was a year and a half ago, when he was yet again, unavailable for me. I told him straight up, “You failed me as a husband.”

I'll try to make the long story a little less long. We were on day three of an 11-day stretch of him being 3,000 miles away, when one of my fears became a reality. Somebody broke in and robbed our home. It happened on a Friday morning, and luckily we were gone. When I called him to get the serial number to my stolen laptop for the police and to relay what had just happened, he was very quick with me and didn't have time to 'deal' with it. Stunned, hurt, and furious, I said something about his work always coming first, and slammed the phone down.

Later, a sheriff from a different county called the house and said he had been trying to call my husband's cell phone but couldn't reach him. They had found a box of our checks with a few other random things on the side of the highway about 40 miles away. I was livid that I had to track him down, as if I didn't have enough going on, to tell him that he needed to spare five minutes for a f-cking sheriff!

Needless to say, I was scared, distraught, and overwhelmed, while having three kids to take care of and juggling police and crime scene investigators coming in and out of my house. I was terrified that whoever had been in our home would come back. Afterall, they new the layout, what we looked like, our names, and even whose bedrooms were where.

By that evening we were starving, yet unable to go into our kitchen, and because I was the only adult who could wait for the other authorities to arrive, I was unable to leave to get us food.

Considering it was a Friday, and he had only extended his business trip to include the weekend per my suggestion, I never even fathomed that he would not come home for this. It became pretty evident though, when he was too busy to even talk, and didn't call back until 8:30pm, which was 5:30 Pacific time. How convenient. The work day was over, so he could check to make sure we're still alive. That is when I told him that he had failed me, and I hung up, ignoring his futile attempts to call back. I didn't talk to him again for 5 days.

I was fortunate that a friend who lives 3 hours away came to stay with us, because I was too drained to make the drive to her. And there was not a chance in hell I was spending the night alone with my kids.

Since he did not come home for another EIGHT DAYS after this happened, I was forced to deal with every aspect of it myself. I had to change all of our bank accounts, change passwords, cancel website registrations, and clean a revolting present the asshole culprit left in one of the bathrooms before leaving. Most importantly, I had to remain tough so that my kids wouldn't sense my fear. The worst thing that thief stole was my children's sense of safety and security. Because this hasn't been the only time my husband has left me to fend for myself, I am unable to forgive. I don't dwell on it everyday, but I don't think I will ever get over it.


Tamera said...


Craw said...

I know how it feels to be robbed.

When I was a teenager my room was broken into at night while I was playing computer games. Good thing I wasn't in the room when it happened.

It was hard to go back and sleep in my room immediately after that, for the same fear that the thief might come back.

Now having to carry that burden, pretending/showing the kids that it isn't affecting you, thinking of the safety of the kids, dealing with the authorities, etc., is something that the whole family, or at least both husband & wife, should deal with together.

Business trip or not family should come first. He should have returned home right away. I'm curious as to what he was feeling & thinking when you told him of what happened...

Nicey said...

Thats so horrible, I know what it feels like its violation,
Take care and put it behind you

AzAzura said...

Firstly I am glad I found you here, My house was robbed few times too back then.Kudos for proving that you are a superwomen handling it all by yourself.
i think there are few occassion when i want my men to be wth me and he is not like NOW.
take care xoxo

AntiBarbie said...

It's horrible when you feel like you can't depend on your spouse and I don't think I can ever forgive ether. He's done some really crappy things to me. Nothing of that magnitude but pretty rotten like the night that my children and I caught a very nasty bug he was the only person who wasn't deathly ill. So, you think he'd help me out with the kids right?

He left without saying a word after I passed out on the bathroom floor. I called him on his cellphone and he was hanging out at his friend's house. I asked him to come home because I was too sick to take care of the kids.

He came home in a huff, sat at his computer playing some wargame, put on his headphones and cranked up the volume to inhuman levels. Needless to say he didn't hear them when they would cry and I ended up having to be the person to tend to them though I could barely stand.

The Blogger Exposed said...


That sucks! Wow, I was having second thought about posting the other article I wrote on this theme (crappy husband incidents), but you're making me want to post it now because, although different, they are somewhat similar.

Libertine said...

Sounds like it's well past time to kick his sorry ass to the curb.