As many of you may know, I have been struggling with relationship issues for a while now. I think I officially hit rock-bottom a couple of nights ago. I laid down in bed and didn't get up for hours, not even realizing how late it had gotten. I missed dinner time, homework time, all that. I didn't even sleep; I just laid there, miserable.
Then last night, the final nail was secured in the coffin. When my 'husband' failed to heed what I had discussed with him in the morning, the reality of the situation struck me. Hard. I didn't learn anything new, or find any new insight. It was more a confirmation of everything I've known for awhile. Now I have found the fury. The anger. The disgust. But I know I have to let that go because it is only harmful to me.
Here's the optimistic news: By being pushed over that hump I had been teetering on, I am developing a new outlook. It is simply astonishing that changing the perception of one simple belief has the power to affect our resolve. I know that I will still waver, and suffer from doubt. I also know that there will be a grieving period. But I must remind myself that although my current life is dying, a new life will be reborn. The one simple phrase that has helped me believe I can do this, is to consider it an adventure. I've always been a sucker for adventure, and I guess my subconscious finally realized that this would be the best tactic to use.
Of course, my MissAdventuresAbroad blog should be enough to remind me that adventures don't always go as planned. Yet, how do we grow and learn if we don't ever take risks?
Friday, February 22, 2008
My New Mindset...I Hope it Sticks
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2 comments:
Someone told me not long ago that having all sorts of anger and resentment and bitterness locked inside is like taking poison and hoping the other person dies. You have to find a way to release your poison, either through acceptance or action. Either way, YOU don't deserve to be poisoned this way.
I agree with Lori. Resentments eat us up inside, while the person we are resentful about usually feels just fine!
I am fortunate to be married to Princess Gail. She is absolutely the most realistic person I have ever met. She sees things exactly for what they are, and makes exactly the right decision about what to do, every time. I consider myself a smart person, but I continue to be astonished at how often I bend reality a bit. Things like wishful thinking, hoping that things will change, like that. But if I detach from emotions, and think realistically, then I have to act accordingly. Sometimes I have to do things I don't feel comfortable doing, or things I don't want to do. But that is what you do in the real world. And today I am MUCH happier living in the real world. My boundaries are great. I don't let anyone give me shit. I have eliminated much of the negativity in my life. I like the positives. Life's too short to waste on bullshit.
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