Over the last year or so, I have done a lot of analyzing and soul searching. In the process, I have made a lot of realizations, yet found no answers. I have realized how any given moment is a product of our previous choices. When it comes to some of my life's major choices, there's no sense in beating around the bush: I. Have. Doubts. There was definitely a trigger point, but when I started taking Adderall for my recently diagnosed ADHD, the feelings compounded even more so. It was like I began wearing glasses and was seeing clearly for the first time. I became aware of the subconscious feelings which were leading to so much frustration and resentment in my marriage.
Although I'm pondering decisions I made in the past, such as marrying so young (we were twenty-one), it wouldn't be fair to call them bad choices. Perhaps a better adjective would be inexperienced. Even in hindsight, they seem like the right thing to have done at the time. When you're immature and inexperienced, you don't always recognize that other possibilities will lie ahead. It is rational to fear that if you pass on something good when it comes along, you may not get another chance. By the time you realize that you may have acted hastily, some 10-odd years later, your life has already been set on it's course. Not that the course can't be altered, but there are a lot of questions that must be answered first.
I interestingly came across this food for thought the other day. It's only a few years late and several dollars short: "It is unwise for ENFP's (myself) to settle down too early, and they make the soundest choices when they delay career and marriage decisions until their middle to late twenties.”
Hmmm...this could have been helpful to know.
4 comments:
The light bulb turned on in my head around age 42. I started to see things about myself and my life that weren't working. I'm now 52 and these past 10 years have been about fixing what could be fixed, and changing what couldn't. Some of it has really, really sucked, like becoming divorced and nearly bankrupt. But most of it has been great! I am living my life now on my own terms, and I really like it.
Thanks for your openness. Great post.
Thank you for your comments. For better or worse, I tend to be candid and honest. Living in denial is not being true to yourself, or to your loved ones.
I feel the same way about certain choices I have made and why I made them at that current time in my life. Honestly this is one of the better stories I have read in a while.
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